It was the end of a fantastic day visiting London Zoo. On my way to the exit, I saw a brightly coloured bird swoop past me. So I went to investigate. I followed him, running as fast as my feet would carry me, over a wobbly bridge. By now it had grown dark, very dark and there were no people left in the zoo. I was completely on my own! Then, I began to hear some strange noises ...
Continue the story below.
It was the end of ower trip the zoo all of us were going o the exit sigh when weon hour way out we saw this black haunted bird coming to like the bird is coming for hour prey it had like sharp claws with wing maybe it is going to get us for ower pray maybe this bird had unlock the gate and set the animal free so they can get us because when we went to the zoo dad began to be rude to the animals early on the zoo and mum felt sad then it might take revenge on us also I hear over animals howling like a owl this mysterious beat is like a wild beast why do the bird has to get us why can it get some one else? HELP ANY ONE HELP! The bird is chasing me like a glooming beast at night time at 12:00 a clock the moon beaming down this is scary and terrifiying H E L P.
ReplyDeleteCan you write this again, but this time use full stops and correct any spelling mistakes. Read the passage aloud to your partner to help you do this Shaniqua.
DeleteA cage door began to creak so I began to run. The roars got closer I was going the wrong way , was there a beast letting deadly animals out? I tried to look for an exit but it was no use. I wanted to hide in the gift shop but the beast had hearing like an owl so it heard me... It pounced on me then bit my hand but I kicked off me and luckily I had a first aid kit so I put a bandage on my self. The beast ordered the tigers to surround the cage. So I searched long and heard for a flashlight and I found one!! The I struggled to climb on the huge porta potty, but I managed to do it. Then, "alright if you want me try and catch me! All at once the tigers rushed at me I bet the beast was trying to tell them it was a trap and a trap it was... We all know that cats love red dots from lazer pointers and I had a lazer pointer, the beast was a cat to. For the tigers the pointer was for their cages, for the beast the pointer led to death I set up a fire and amied the dot there that thing stupidly ran into the fire and burned and that's how I escaped the zoo
ReplyDeleteI'm really pleased you have used commas in your blogging Edem. You are clearly meeting your latest target.
DeleteI stopped to catch my breath and so did the owl then,I started to run I runner and I runned I was there it was a big factory and It was for animals and I peeked inside the animals that we saw today was robot animals,it was very spooky inside and the outside of,it was like it was new so I went back through the tunnel and I went back safe and sound I tippedtoe to the exit because,all the animals were fast asleep I had to go on a bus or a coach back at our house Harry was having,dinner and I was starving and Harry didn't care about me mum and dad was worried about me I came back and I told mum and dad about the horrible day I had and they gave me something to eat.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the past tense of run Melissa?
DeleteThe past tense of run is ran.
DeleteShe was getting scared because she herd a straigh spooky noise that she did not like that beast had a black eye he had sharp claws. I was walking around to find the mystery of that bird because it l looks like he is up to no good soon the moon came down it was night so she ruined across the street in the rain all the way home then here mum said to her were have you been.she said I met a scary bird and he was trying to kid nap me here mum said why was you even out side she didn't even replie she went to bed and she had the wors dream of the bird what was trying to kid nap here. Meanwhile she was sleeping she here'd a noise wich was really scary so she got up to see who was making those noises and it was that bird that she saw when she saw it she screamed to death She ran into the bath room and she said I will come up with a plan so she did and here plan was to kill it and she did so she could never see the bird again so she live happily. Ever after.
ReplyDeleteIt was the end of a fantastic day at the zoo. On my way to the exit, I saw a bright coloured bird fly past me. So I went to investigate, I followed him, running as fast as my legs could carry me over a broken bridge. Then it got dark, very dark that there was no one there. I was all by my self! Then, I began to hear some strange noises it sounded like a haunted house. Then I saw the bird and got into fright, it was staring at me and I almost cried out "Help." But no one listened they just walked away. So I was speed walking and then I ran to the elephant house and I slept there until 1:00 am. It was like a tiger in front of me but it was the elephant, sleeping on my leg so I standed up and went to the penguins. The penguins weren't sleeping so I watched them do a show. It was fantastic, when it was finished I wanted to go to the tigers but I thought it was gonna be too scary. Suddenly, the same bird was in front of me so I went into my bag and got out my torch and I shone it and it was an owl. It kept on following me where ever I went. Every time I looked at it it did a scary eye at me. Then I took it to the baboons it got frightened a little bit then when the baboon slept it got excited.
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong with this sentence Lamine? So I stranded up and went to the penguins.
DeleteIt doesn't make sense
DeleteWhat should you have said Lamine?
DeleteYes
DeleteSo I got up and went to the penguins
DeleteThen the noises went louder and louder,something touched me the it was an animal! I couldn't bare to look behind,my brain was about to pop.Something hit me,I looked through a little crack of light,then there was lines of metal,but that meant that I was stuck in the cage! The animals were chasing me round and round, my eyes were wobbly,after the animal multiplied to two! Finally I found a way to get out of the cage but there was thousands of them,the animals has taken over the zoo and they want revenge on the people that trapped them but animal but animals could get under control. Suddenly all the animals escaped but there wasn't a point to stop them so I told the police about then it was the search of the gone animals.
ReplyDeleteIt was another amazing day in London zoo then all of a sudden a colourful bird flew right past me then I decided to catch it and make it my pet so I could be famous so I ran after it then it became dark and the colourful bird was nowhere to be found and then the zoo keeper closed the gate and went all the people went home because they needed supper to eat they might've drink hot chocolate and had rice and the Chinese people might drink china tea and ate spaghetti with spaghetti soup now i'm starving like Goliath.
ReplyDeleteOk colourful bird here i come. Didn't i mention i hate hide and seek so much i could eat a turkey! Here birdie here birdie birdie birdie. Oh my gosh a lion that could eat so much meat ah oh yeah I forgotten you are in a cage silly me oh boy what the bird is just right there I got you now you're my pet thank god now where should I sleep oh yeah the security room now it's morning you can come to my house because you're my pet it's time for me to eat and play come on chirps that's your new name ok
THE END
Can you write your first paragraph again below David. This time remember to include full stops and commas.
DeleteThis was no ordinary zoo. All of sudden the bushes started to rustle it was a cat I ŵas scared. Then the moon raised into the night sky onto the shiny metal cages. Then with a shake a cage clanged open. Some sort of creature must have escaped . Then a mean and nasty creature growls my this can't be true but yes it's true a tiger has escaped . Lucky me I still have my baking powder if I could just puff this in its face I could clime up a tree close to the exit then I could clime down the wall what should I do about the tiger I can't just leave it there it will kill all the humans I bet if i can throw a rock in its cage to be coutuinued
ReplyDeleteWhat is the past tense of raise Emily?
DeleteEmily what do you mean it was I cat you were scared. try to go back and fix that to make it make sence.
DeleteThe past tense of raise is rose
DeleteWhat I mean was that the cat jumped out in a shoke
DeleteA growling sound. It was Creepy.I Though the zoo was haunted but I know it can't be. All of sudden I felt something touch my back ... "Aaa! " I shouted I though this was a dream I try to wake my self up but It never worked I whispered " it's not a dream "it's not a dream"... To be continued
ReplyDeleteIt as the end of a fantastic day visiting the London Zoo. On my way to the exit,I saw a brightly coloured bird scoop past me. So I went to investigate. I followed him, running as fast as my feet would carry me over a wobbly bridge. By now it had grown dark, very dark and there were no people left in the zoo. I was on my own! The began to hear some strange noise, I didn't really know what it is but I bet it could be dangerous . I whispered " What should I do" , I felt encouraged. I had no choice but I ran away, there long fangs could have bit my face. I would have tremendous lumps. After I ran away I sat down on the spring leaves and said " were could I stay I have nowhere to sleep and can't find way back home.
ReplyDeleteTo be continued
Still i can hear the sound of the dangerous beast," what can i do".? I can Just stay here like this i won't survive that longer. But Nobody knows if that was a dangerous animal, then what could it be
Deleteto be continued
It was coming from the gift shop when I got there green eyes perse from the dark I shook and shiver and shake I ran as fast as I can.
ReplyDeleteThen what happened Bamidele? Did you go to hide somewhere and did it follow you?
DeleteOnce their was family that went to the zoo first they had to see all these boring animals first me and Harry wanted to the gorillas and monkey we the elephants it stood in the corner next we saw the tigers they were pasting up and down it was boring then it was midnight every single person had to leave the zoo but from the back this bird sneaked at the back and hiding at the back of the cages until it was nice and quiet then sneaked to wake up the animals they maked noise at the bird.
ReplyDeletewell it kind of looks like a dragon to because of the eyes
DeleteI was trapped in gloomy London zoo I say that because When I looked behind me I saw a tiger as wild as a wild monkeys,after that I runny as fast a cheetah and nobody could stop me. Meanwhile I got away from the first one,then a gaint elephant as big as a sky scraper then I screamed" HELP ME"! Said boy screaming. Now how am I going to survive some one help me! Save me please.
ReplyDeleteThis could be a great first paragraph Nashiye, but you have left some words out and you need to punctuate it properly. Can you rewrite it and correct your mistakes?
DeleteIn the dark , I heard a strange noise I knew it had something to do about that strange bird. I peared out of my tent it was raining. But something was out there it was black and dark and yellow eyes . And said " eek eek" my eyes weren't lying I tried to take a picture but he flew away. I followed him again also sore a mirror to another dimension in the other dimension . The bird can talk he said " HELP " ! We need your help . A evil robot is taking over the zoo you have powers powers of imagnatoin I used my powers and defeted the evil robot she had to get back the zoo.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a good beginning Yumna. Don't stop, tell us how you defeated the robot, where you were in the zoo and if any of the animals helped you.
DeleteA growling sound16 glowing eyes peerst throw the dark that makes me more scared than before.Something is touching my back,something is breathing on my neck..."aaaa!" I shouted "aaaa!" someone said " who are you" I said in a calm way."I'm Lilly I got lost in the zoo meanwhile my family was rushing to the grillars.they went home with out me coming and I'm also looking for what made that sound"said Lilly "I'm looking for the same thing...to be continue
ReplyDeleteSuper start to your story Jamoya, your are really building suspense. Be careful with your spelling when you continue your story. Ask your peer to help you and remember your latest target to use commas.
DeleteIt was a dark and stormy night no one was there only me suddenly I sore lots and lots of lightning crashing and dashing
ReplyDeleteThrew the night suddenly I sore a sharped gloomy Teeth With a shiny black nose it was a monster I ran to the exit but
Before I could make it the door was suddenly locked I have never been so freighted in my life! I cep on finking and finking
That it it was the wires day ever! I new it was a dream because it did't happen before did it? When I pinched my self I was
"Shocked"! IT WUSENT A NIGHT MARE HELP ME!
TO BE CONTINUED
that a very good story lico
DeleteOne dark night I was going to the zoo but Nobody was there. Just then I hard something I went to look it look like there eyes where glowing I was terrified I ran and ran but the gate where locked so I had no choice than to see what it was.I went deeper ,deeper into the zoo and it went dark'a, dark'a I saw it,s fangs sharp and his mouth is dribbling what is that thing I need to get out of here fast before something happen and If I don't come out i need somer so be safe that thing is a beast and I need to get out her right now! My heart was beating so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest.
ReplyDeleteGreat start Sallyanne. Your story is full of suspense and I can't wait to read more. How should you spell dark'a?
DeleteIt should be spelt darker.
DeleteIt was the end of the day visiting the zoo on our way out I saw a big coloured bird. It flew past me I had never seen a big bird that close to me before saw I followed it. As fast as my feet would take me I ran to keep up.i cam to a wobbly bridge. By now it was very dark and there were no people left.in the zoo. I began to hear some strange noises .A loud cry it sounded like a big cat . I felt something fly past my head very close I could not see. I wanted run back the way I came but it was too dark and the noise was getting louder.
ReplyDeleteI felt like someone or some thing was following me I was starting to get scared like I was being haunted by a ghost I started to run then I tripped I tried to get up but it was like I was glued to the floor then the lights turned of then I said to my self that I should of heard when my friend was taking .TO BE CONTUINED .
ReplyDeleteIt was the end of a fantastic day visiting London zoo. On my way way to the exit I saw a brightly coloured bird swoop past me. So I investigated I followed him, running as fast as my feet would carry me, over a wobbly bridge. By now it had grown to dark, very dark and there were no people left in the zoo. I was on my own! Then, I began to here some strange noises it was loud and spooky. I was afraid it was extremely loud. I thought that i was kidnapped. An owl swooped past it was gigantic and colourful.
ReplyDeleteTo be continued...
Its eyes were green and black his body was dark black. He was fierce. Then as i walked passed the wobbly bridge it broke. So I ran as fast as my feet could carry me. Unfortunately the zoo gate was locked. Suddenly the feirce, huge owl came so we went face to face I tried to defeat it and i won. So I found a ladder and I climbed it over the gate I ran home and I told my family all about my trip.
DeleteAt the end journey at London i heard a strange noise so i followed it while nobody was looking and saw that it was a big crazy bird so i started to laugh because how and crazy it was jumping across the hole place i was screaming as loud as i could but know could hear me . And that night when i got homeand i had supar i went to bed and had a realy scary night mare and it was frigtening.
ReplyDeleteThe noises sounded like they were coming from behind me. Then I ran down the path, soon I had to step very carefully because I could not see where I was going. I heard noises that sounded gates and ones that sounded like animals swinging on the bars of their cages.
ReplyDeleteA top I felt something swoop past me as turned on my phone I shun a glimced the thing my heat starter raceing I was terrifuiyed scared the battry has come of I grabbed something scally the lights went on it was a dragon. Then the dragon was chassing me I had to run away from the dragon my hart to be continy
ReplyDelete- then i heard a noise coming from the bush so i went to investigate what it was. suddenly something or someone jumped over the fence and i got really nervous so i had to climb over the fence then i saw two black eyes staring at me and it beagan to chase me its eyes were so percing i felt like its eyes were going to pierce through my body.
ReplyDeleteAll I could see was darkness all around me,I felt really scared I didn't know where to run . I felt like people were around me I didn't know what to do.
ReplyDeleteI saw 2 green eyes on a birds face it was so fearful and creepy so i wanted to go and investigate I ran to the gate and i went to see that the gates were closed i was so freaked out.I went to hide behind the bush, i was there for 5 mins when i saw a man with a torch so i went to ask him if he could open the door and he shouted "noooo, what are you doing here little boy" and i said "i am here to investigate"... to be continued
ReplyDeleteWhen it was my day of work I was walking to the exit, I heard a lowed noise. It looked like it was getting really close. So I ran and checked the other animals, but one of them was gone. Then started to panic my heart was raising then I saw that creature I began to hide. But every where I hide it's there, then I saw more than one there was multiples! of them i was calling everyone I know but they didn't pick up there phone. I was searching its name but it was a unowned creature, I was making noise so it can go away but nothing seemed to work. It began to walk slow then when it smelled something they all went in a group and scattered around the zoo. All of them were just braking into cages! Of the animals all of them started to kill all of the animals i was trying my best to defend them, one just pushed on a light switch and all of the lights came on. They all began to burn some of them did not survive, some of them escaped to be continued.
ReplyDeletei saw 2 green lights flying above my head it was nightmairish i was so afraid to stay it was like someone was sharping a axe and tiger was coming closer i was about to go home to investigate but i was getting horrified so i just ran to a random place then i saw a bus and i hopped in it and i got off and then started walking home a man with a torch he was following me were i go then i ran straight home i open then is sleped.
ReplyDeleteI was scared, I looked around I saw a pair of gloomy eyes I ran as fast as I could, I was so tired that I can't walk a other step then I looked to be continued.
ReplyDeleteContinue your story Keightley. I looked over my shoulder and saw ...
DeleteA Growling sound to be continue
ReplyDeleteone day we went to the shop and we saw a zoo ceaper buying a small black bird
ReplyDeleteenoder day we sor the bird mach mor biger
wen i wet to zoo i saw a wow i ran to a dif anmol wan i ran to dif anmol it fold me and my famleu it ceton folin meu i didit cer enemol i carrdon goin
ReplyDeleteit was time every one should of went home I was running home to catch the bus. oh no a enourmous elephant was behind me I shut my eye open it back I realized it wasn't a dream. I called my family for help the phone went straight to voice male I realized my family was still left at the zoo. so I thought In need there help/ and they need my help so I said/ there onley one more thing is / to give up are life.
ReplyDeleteOne sunny evening I went to the zoo but it then grew dark and darker until everyone left. Then a dark coloured bird shot right in front of me so i decided to run to the gate but it was locked, so I went to the orang-utan's house and slept there. At 9:00am i woke up and the zoo keeper saw me in the orang-utan's house but he didn't mind. Then at the night it closed at 10:00 am but i stayed until 8:00am and then the owl stared at me so I ran all the way home and never came back
ReplyDeleteThe End
one big sunny after noon I have to go back to the big zoo again suddenly a old gorilla was getting so unwell but i gave him animal medicine then he was OK but i hear a very very strange noise i got so afraid that get even louder than a cow . to be continue
ReplyDeleteIt was a lovely day to go to the zoo then it was time to go home so I walked home but then I heard a weird noise and it was night time the noise got louder and louder then I got frightened so I began to run faster than the noise but the noise was still chasing after me the sky was getting darker but I still keek on running because the noise wouldn't stop chasing me so I looked back nothing was there but the noise was still not stopping so I ruined faster as I could suddenly I slipped on the floor then I got up and still run then something happened to the noise it was gone but a animal came from a tree and it was going to attack me To Be Continued....
ReplyDeletehere is a little fact these eyes are actually three types of animals it can be a panther a cat or an owl
ReplyDeleteIt was a lovely day at the zoo.As soon as we were leaving the zoo i heard a creepy noise in the night then the creepy noise was getting louder and louder then i was so frightened that it might be coming for me .So i began to run as fast as i could as soon as i was runing it went darker and darker a could not see any at all . I heard the animal braeving on my legs .
ReplyDelete